Her Name Means "Date Tree" or "Palm Tree"
“Date Tree” or “Palm Tree”, sounds like the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree in this story when we look at the act that David’s son, Amnon committed against another beautiful woman. I guess we can conclude that it just ran in the family.
Ironically the title of Sunday’s sermon was Silence of the Lamb. I could not help but think about Tamar when I heard this sermon title. Tamar was led to Amnon just as a lamb is led to slaughter. She followed the instructions of the king and reported to Amnon, only to find herself in an uncompromising position that led to her being raped.
Like so many women who experience such detriment, their voice is silenced after an account such as this one, and they live with the pain of this abuse on a daily basis just as Tamar did. Nevertheless, we must remember that no sin goes unpunished and as our text suggest, we must confess any hopelessness we have about our lives and know that God can heal our broken hearts and make us whole again. Continue to reflect on these words as you ponder the questions below. Feel free to answer one or all of the questions. As always, and especially after last week, (smile) know that your comments are appreciated:
1. What does Amnon’s willingness to use deceit to get to Tamar tell you about his “love” for her?
2. Why do you think David was willing to allow Tamar to nurse Amnon? Do you think he was aware of the dangers?
3. Describe your feelings as a woman when you read Tamar’s pleas.
4. Why do you think Amnon’s feelings changed so quickly?
5. What could Tamar possibly have meant by “sending me away” being a “greater wrong” than rape? What did she want from Amnon?
6. What was father David’s reaction to what had happened between his son and his daughter? What should have been done to Amnon? What could he have done for Tamar?
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8 comments:
Tamar oh how my heart aches for you. It is so sad what happened to her and it was her brother. She should have been able to trust him. She was being obedient and caring for him and he violated her. God gave the children of Israel rules when things like this happened. Please read the scripture below.
Deuteronomy 22:
28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver. [a] He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.
Why was Amnon not forced by David to marry Tamar? Was David aware of what happened? Yes, he was aware and he was angry, but because Amnon was his first born son he did not punish him.
(2 Samuel 13)
That is so sad. This speaks volumes about responsible parenting. David should have known that Love and Discipline go a hand in hand, after what happened to him and Bathsheba.
Tamar
Another woman being taken without consent! The verdict is RAPE… Amnon looked upon his sister in a lustful and fleshy manner. Did he really love his sister as a brother who is supposed to protect his sister from men as himself? NO…. his thoughts consumed his being regarding Tamar. She was beautiful and a virgin, Amnon could not bear the thought of a man taking his sister, so he deceived David and Tamar for his own selfish being. Amnon committed INCEST AND RAPE what a double verdict. Once, he got the fruit, he became disgusted with himself because he realized he committed a sin against God and hurt his sister. Just like a man, he flipped the script to make Tamar feel like she was the one who caused him to commit the act. This was to help him relieve the guilt. My heart goes out to Tamar because, she lost the most precious jewel she wanted to keep for her future husband and he ….Amnon took it from her!
King David agreed for his daughter Tamar to nurse his son, to please Amnon because he wanted him to get better. I think if David’s instinct had prompt him regarding Amnon deceitfulness I hope he would not have sent Tamar. King David failed both his children; he failed to protect his daughter and raised his son as a Godly man to protect Tamar and not to look upon her any other way. However, in this story Absalom was determine to make his brother pay for the sin he committed. Every sin committed comes with a price and a lost! Thank God for his son, our savior JESUS who forgives all!
Once again, what great comments from my sisters. What a sad and tragic story. I too feel pain for Tamar. She was totally innocent and had to live the rest of her life enduring grief, shame and stress. How unfair is that? As for Amnon, his lust for his half sister and the bad advice from a non spiritual person caused him to act in an immoral manner. This just goes to show you that you have to be careful who you listen to. His guilt, after his actions, caused him to blame Tamar. He knew what he did was wrong. I once read that no person can violate deeply held personal convictions without drastically affecting himself as well as others. The passion Amnon had for Tamar was transformed into hatred, he then saw her as the cause of his own moral failure (Why should she be blamed for being so beautiful?). He knew that he should have married Tamar to make her an honest woman (as David did Bathsheba). As Roslyn stated this was a jewish law.
When reading the story, it must have been known that Amnon had eyes for his sister, hence the question from Absalom, "did Amnon do this to you?". Absalom was so furious that it caused him to ignore his sister's pain, kill his own brother and rebel against his own father for not doing what was right. Absalom was so caught up with wanting to get revenge that he did the wrong thing also. He didn't even consider poor Tamar's feelings and told her to hold her peace and to not take it to heart. How could she not take it to heart? Rape is not something that a woman can just shrug off. This must have eaten away at her spirit. I can't even imagine. In a sense, Absalom failed her just as David did by not dealing with the crime. From that point on she stayed desolate in Absalom's house. She probably stayed their until her death. Later Absalom named his daughter after Tamar.
Now David is another story. As king and as a father, David should have righted his sons wrong. With him doing nothing, it made matters worse for his whole entire family. I'm wondering if he may have felt guilty for what he did to Bathsheba and felt as though he had no right to say anything as he nearly committed the same sin. You know sometimes people are silent with things that their children do because they think well I did the same thing when I was younger so I don't have the authority to condemn them. This is so far from the truth. When we turn our lives over to Christ, even though we may have committed a lot of sinful acts in our youthful days, we still have to bring our children up and teach them, thus said the Lord. We can't go through life feeling guilty about our pass when God has already forgiven us. Let it go and do what is right although you will have to suffer the consequences of your sin just like David (rape "deja vu", also the sword never left his house as was prophesied).
Lesson learned: Never forget that vengeance is the Lord's and that He is true to his word, therefore, we should be also.
Wow, these are some great comments. It is good to be reminded of Christ's sacrifice and that vengance belongs to God. He will repay. That's some powerful stuff ladies. :-)
I could just cry for Tamar right now. It is so sad and ashame this crime has happened to her. Don't mean to sound blunt, but Amnon has got to be the absolute dumbest man of his time. What first started as an intensely compulsive, fantasy driven lust, for his sister (whichi is just sick) turned to anger. This would possibly put Amnon in the sadistic category. He may have been angered by his own sexual dysfunction, or possibly it angered him that the sexual act with Tamar didn't match the fantasy he had in his mind. Amnon was unable, however, to act out the “play” of the crime as it was advised to him by his friend Jonadab by himself; but his ability to coordinate multiple people and bring about the scripted events as he had imagined all the way up to the crime itself does show his persistence and cunning behavior. Samuel 13:6-10;
So Amnon lay down, and pretended to be ill and when the king came to see him Amnon said to the king “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, so that I may eat from her hand.” Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. She took dough, kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. Then she took the pan and set them out before him, but he refused to eat. Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, so that I may eat from your hand.” So Tamar took the cakes she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother.
Seems to me that the issue Amnon had with this experience was his own sexual issues or maybe Tamar failed to fight him off and complied with little protest. This would have caused Amnon issues because if he was sadistic as he would only have experienced sexual arousal if she had fought him physically.
Look at Tamar's response in 2 Samuel 13:12
She answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me; for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do anything so vile! As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the scoundrels in Israel. Now therefore, I beg you, speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.” But he would not listen to her; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her.
I can't imagine what was going through her mind, I bet she was disgusted, in disbelief, maybe even felt sick. Roslyn gave a good scripture in Dueteronomy, to add a little more to what she pointed out, take a look at Deuteronomy 27:22
“Cursed be anyone who lies with his sister, whether the daughter of his father or the daughter of his mother.” All the people shall say, “Amen!”
However, this law may have been seen differently at the time of David, becuase Tamar suggested that Amnon ask the King for her hand in marriage rather than both of them be disgraced. As shown above, he ignores the advice, rapes her, becomes angry, and hates her more than he had loved her. He then disgraces her more by sending her away and later she is told to forget about the offense committed against her. WOW!!!
Then in 2 Samuel 13:20-21;
So Tamar remained, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom’s house. When King David heard of all these things, he became very angry, but he would not punish his son Amnon, because he loved him, for he was his firstborn. But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad; for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had raped his sister Tamar.
We can see how complex this crime was. Justice was seemingly dealt out when Amnon is killed by his older brother out of revenge. King David could not bring himself to deal out justice, for Amnon was his first born. Amnon’s behavior showed no indication that he was sorry for committing the crime or that he felt guilty.
Tamar suffered greatly, during that time no one would marry a rape victim so she had to live alone in her brothers house. This shows that the fantasy driven crimes were around as long as man has been and the crimes back then were just as intense as the crimes today.
Poor Tamar had no idea what she was about to get herself into. Trying to be @ her brother's bedside when he was supposed to be "ill." Little did she know she was being set up by her uncle and brother. I know the author states that it was her cousin. But if I'm not mistaken, 2 Sam.12:3-4 (NIV)states: 3. David's brother Jonadab was a very shrewed man.
4.He asked Amnon "Why do you the king's son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you Tell me?" To me that's makes it him her uncle. Be it uncle or cousin, she's being set up by her triffiling,cousin/uncle to be raped by her half brother. Is that Jerry Springer or what? :) Did Amnon love Tamar? 1Cor. 13:4-6 (NIV)4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5. It is not rude ,it is not self-seeking , it is not easily angered ,it keeps no record of wrongs. 6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Amnon's actions were the exact opposite of love, He didn't love her he only loved himself. Tamar saying being sent away was a "greater wrong" than rape. Indicates to me that because her virginity had been violated, King David could no longer offer her to a potential husband. Tamar pleaded with Amnon saying "Don't my brother" as to say "You are my brother why do this to me, your sister?" "What about me? where could I get rid of my disgrace." She did not want to go back home and face her virgin sisters, knowing what had just happened to her. She was even trying to get him to realize that he was about to jeopardize his position as crown prince and heir to the throne. But he did it anyway. Resulting in Tamar having to go live with her brother Absalom as a desolate woman.
What plagues me is why there is no mention of Bathsheba and how she felt when this happened. Although Tamar was not her biological daughter,(Maacah was the mother of Tamar and Absalom)this was her step daughter who had experienced such a dreadful thing. That's just to close to home for me. So ladies, what do you think Bathesheba felt? Would she have been allowed to comfort her? Do you think she would have shared her experience with Tamar?
Again, I have enjoyed reading all of your comments. When you take to heart all matters from the perspective of other Christians, you are truly enlightened by the compassion felt through their words. I must make a confession; this story was so intriguing that I was compelled to see what would happen next. The very next time I looked up I was finishing up Chapter 23. Thank You, Jesus! God has used this Book Club to help all of us read and study the word more.
I asked God to teach me to understand love; what it truly meant in His eyes and I've found the answers. Despite what King David did, at times, he knew when to draw the line and return to righteousness. That is why God speaks of him with high regard. Ladies, please remember this one thing; as long as we read to obtain wisdom, God will teach us how to walk in righteousness (more perfectly) through Him.
The Bible speaks of Tamar‘s brothers, Absalom and Amnon both loving Tamar, yet there was a difference in the kind of love in each. We can safely assume that Absalom loved her as a brother should. Amnon loved her in a lustful manner. I particularly love this story because, Bro. Dave taught on this a few years ago - it kind of unnerved me at that time; but I now realize that everything happens for a reason. Like Bathsheba, Tamar suffered as a victim. The Bible speaks of Amnon having a cousin, Jonadab which the Bible speaks of as being "very subtil." Hmm, the word subtil means: cunning, crafty and hard to comprehend etc. Now obviously, Amnon new exactly what he was doing by confessing his issues to Jonadab. He needed someone to help him plot out a plan (Trina).
Scripture tells us, Amnon was lusting after his sister for a long time; years (sick in its own right). The Bible says it derives from man being drawn into his own lusts and enticements. After lust is conceived it brings forth sin; and sin brings death. (James 1:14-15)
After the two finalized their scheme, Amnon used his father; David to get what he wanted and raped his own sister, Tamar. We know from this story that we as Christians must learn to discipline ourselves. Because, love is a form of discipline; otherwise we can get ourselves tangled up into a web of deceit.
It is clear to me that David had to have some knowledge of Amnon's feelings, as we read on we learn that the first place Tamar went was to Absalom's house. Absalom immediately drew the conclusion that Amnon was the culprit that committed this horrific act. It seemed to me that some were knowledgeable of Amnon's feelings. Perhaps David was also aware. He was King and a very wise man, however in some instances illustrated corruption (Esteemfit).
The true irony for me happens as we see this sinful act unfold in the same way with David abusing his authority with Bathsheba. This is evident because, both David and Amnon used their servants’ assistance without them being knowledgeable because of loyal obligation. Again, we have another case of powerful men misusing authority. In many ways, we tempt God to wrath by doing things repeatedly; and knowing better. This was a result of David's word before hand through Nathan from God that the sword would NEVER depart his house (2 Sam. 12:10).
Moreover, Tamar's thoughts after this incident may have been that her father was knowledgeable of Amnon's heart too and did nothing to stop it. We know that Amnon had plenty servants as a prince, so why didn't David insist that one of them prepare a meal for him? Why didn't David question his son for requesting Tamar specifically? Maybe David's conscious ate at him for what he'd done in the past to Bathsheba and he could’ve felt he had no right to intervene. And if Amnon carried out his lustful act; he would suffer at God's hand. (Roslyn)? Maybe so
As a result hatred grew "exceedingly" in Absalom's heart towards Amnon. Irony again; the term “exceedingly” was used here after Amnon committed this heinous act. He then demands that Tamar leave his chambers at once and ordered his servant to get rid of her and bolt the doors. More irony, after committing the evil act, Amnon was disgusted truly with himself; and the hatred for her grew "exceedingly" when he looked into Tamar's face or perhaps heard her cries; as this was the reality of his evil deed. That's why he couldn't stand the site of her any longer.
As for Tamar, unfortunately again, she was a victim of David’s curse from God. Like the rest of you, my heart truly goes out to her. But, we have to remember if we can have these feelings for someone in times past; we should like was sympathize with those around that have been in similar situations. We can show more kindness, support and love by letting them know that we are hurting along with them without being judgmental.
Tamar, in my opinion was not only beautiful and like her brother flawless. She was a child of God, innocent, and a princess, a virgin and must have trusted those around her entirely. When we are innocent, we tend to trust those around us. After this terrible experience, Tamar tore her clothing and placed ashes on her head. She then went where she could find safety at Absalom’s house. Those acts represented shame, grief and loss (Loretta). At the end of this story, ironically David does the same thing when he learns that Absalom was killed.
Lastly, Tamar illustrated strength in many ways; she spoke out time-and-time again to Amnon. She pleaded with him that such a thing ought not to be done in Israel (these were Israelites). She even begged him to ask the King for his permission. And ultimately, she cried out in an effort to save the family name and honor among its people, she was even willing to hide or cover up this shame when she pleaded with Amnon by stating, if you throw me out you are committing an even worse act then the first. Ultimately, she did later at the request of Absalom, her brother. Powerful! By speaking out alone she put herself in a very compromising and dangerous position. After all, Amnon was a prince. She showed bravery and obviously strength through her belief in God. She could have very well accepted the circumstances and went with it willingly. True character here
I so LOVE the WOB! Kudos ladies! Great work.:-)
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